A Fresh Start and A Second Chance

When I was first approached about relocating to Oklahoma City, I was apprehensive. I’ve always lived in Texas. Outside of a couple of years of college I’ve always lived in the Dallas area.

My friends are here. My family is here.

So even though it’s only a few hours away the prospect of moving to a new place alone seemed daunting. Mainly because I’m not the most outgoing person in the world. I tend to stick to myself and be content in isolation instead of trying to meet new people.

The more I thought about it though my mindset began to change.

The last few years haven’t been the best for me. A lot of that is my own fault. I unfortunately fell in love and married someone that I know now didn’t feel the same way. She didn’t love me the same way I loved her. She loved that I would take care of her. She loved that I would take care of her son. She didn’t love me.

It took me way too long to realize that. Instead I tried to make something work that was never going to work. That led to years of heart break. Years of feeling like I wasn’t worth much. Years of unhappiness. It’s hard to go through that under any circumstances. It’s even worse when you realize you put yourself through most of the pain by not wanting to realize it was true.

That’s a lot of baggage to carry around. Most of the time I feel like I wear that baggage like a scarlet letter. In my eyes no matter who I’m with that’s what they see. They see me as the guy whose life hasn’t turned out right. When I’m with my friends I’m the “single guy.” I’m the only guy who isn’t married. I’m the only guy who doesn’t have kids. When you are that guy you don’t see your friends very much. Couples tend to stick with other couples.

When I’m with my family it’s a lot of the same feelings. I’m the only son who isn’t married. I’m the only son who doesn’t have children. I know my friends and my family don’t love me any differently because of that but it doesn’t help the way you feel about yourself.

It’s a hard thing to deal with mentally.

I don’t have to wear that scarlet letter in Oklahoma City. I can start fresh and in a lot of way start over. People don’t know me. They don’t know my history. They don’t know my mistakes. When I meet new people, I don’t have to be the guy with all the baggage I can just be me. Thinking about feeling that way is freeing.

I’ve let my history and my mistakes define me over the years and I’m ready to stop doing that. I’m ready to finally start my life over. I’m ready to get my life on track and to feel comfortable being me again. I think this move is going to provide me that opportunity.

It’s not just a change of scenery. It’s not just a fresh start. It’s a second chance.